SEASONS OF CHANGE Part 9

How much of the past do we actually remember? How many people have been forgotten and faded?
Do we remember the happier memories? Some to be cherished and some maybe eclipsed by an event which hurt us?  Or maybe there comes a time in life when you are to busy to be dwelling in memories.

So thats how it was. I was working to fend for my family, or whatever was left of it. A mother who wouldn't remember us and a young sister who never spoke of dreams or needs, since we were so busy in keeping alive. Conversations had turned into budget maintenance, the cost of medicines, the rota of being at home, the planning of daily routine. I no longer knew what went on with Payal or Arjun or anyone for that matter. None complained..sometimes you are too busy to address emotions...or maybe you're too scared to face them!

My work involved travel, loads of it at times. It wasn't taking me any closer to my dream of being a writer some day nor did it make me a better journalist. I ran behind money, grabbed every opportunity that came my way. Payal handled evening tuitions for the neighbours kids, Arjun  would watch Maa when she was away. I would go to work early in the morning and wouldn't come home till late. I didn't get any more interviews to do, but there was lots of running around, scripts to be written, meetings to be done or even arranging snacks and lunch for superiors and getting it to them on time. Literally anything that may or may not contribute monetarily, but sometimes maybe stop me from thinking.

I remember when in college, Baba used to tell us that the body has its own stop clock, it can slow you down when you need to rest. In the frenzy of life we lived in, rest came just in the form of the few hours of sleep I grabbed everyday. Something was supposed to slow me down too...

I was on an assignment in Madurai for a week covering a conference and had just checked into the guest house. Those were the days without internet or mobile phones . A fear of losses got me into the habit of calling my sister whenever I went out of town for long. So it had been raining all afternoon but I decided to walk out anyway to the nearest STD booth.

It was almost dusk when I was walking home. I guess it was considered unnatural for a woman to be walking on her own in smaller towns as I did stir a few heads. Rain had started to fall again and I held on to my umbrella. I had been having a minor headache all day which I had promptly ignored. I was probably a bit dizzy..my steps swaying and getting slower. It was still a good ten minute walk to the guest house. I noticed an empty bench in a deserted bus stop few feet away and thought I should sit down a while. I walked towards it...I don't remember reaching it. I probably heard someone calling my name....