Timeless...

I remember this scene from Notting Hill...where Hugh Grant takes Julia to the park at night. Theres the park bench she sits on, "For Jane who loved this park..from John who always sat beside her". All she could say is,"its actually amazing that people fall in love and spend all their lives together". Am not sure of the actual dialogues or names in the movie, Notting Hill is something I watched ages ago. But yeah, these were the export of words. They keep on playing on my mind at times when I do question the continuity of relationships. Love..a major paradox. A riddle which I maybe will never be able to solve. I have known people spend all their lives together, I have known people change and grow in love. At the same time I have seen love turn into a bitter hatred, and the couple who were once inseperable, part ways and turn strangers. I have seen love make and destroy individuals.

Its divine to see that happiness on peoples faces..the happiness which comes from an age of love and togetherness, from security and stability..isnt it? Its weird..a simple emotion can mean so much in life..whats more is that it makes a lot of difference..to have someone you can spend your life with.

Survival -The Concluding Part

I felt the ground slip away from beneath my feet. Somehow I felt diminished and ashamed of myself....her courage left me feeling disgusted with my pessimism. I remembered my parents, Ma and Baba invested their lives educating me and giving me a good life. Baba wouldnt let me down, never let me feel I was any different from a son. In a village where daughters were brought up just to be married off..Baba and Ma had laboured to set me off to a posh residential school in the city for a good education. Every small success, be it good grades or a pat on the back from a teacher would set them elated. Tears filled my eyes when I remembered Baba's last words to me, "I am always so proud of you daughter, you never let us down."

Today I realized my folly, I felt I had let Baba down. I had given up on life, forgotten my parents in years after their demise, I had forgotten how much they would have wanted me to live and live happy had they been alive. My marriage was a mistake, my health was my weakness. In the courage of this old lady, I felt my mistake had been living on with the guilt of a previous mistake and my weakness was giving up on life. Tears welled up my eyes at the wake of memories.

I felt a arm on my shoulder,"Beti..you alright?". I turned around and hugged Dadi...and I couldnt stopped sobbing. I cried like a baby, may be for hours. Dadi kept asking," Kya hua beti..what happened". And I wouldnt answer, I cried and fell asleep in her lap. I had found strength in an unknown source.I had rediscoverd life in the most unexpected place on earth. This rainy night had changed the course of events.

The next morning I had made my mind. The rain had stopped...and the scent of wet mud had filled the air. I looked out of the window...I saw children playing in puddles of water. Some of them at the gate, eyeing the fruit laden trees in the farm. One of them picked up a pebble and 'Thak', aimed at a guava on a tree. I saw dadi run out, "you little rascals, keep your eyes off my farm", she held her walking stick in her hand raised in action. I saw the kids run away in fright..and I couldnt stop laughing. I laughed my heart out. i felt happiness return to me after ages.

That afternoon when i was leaving, I caught a glimpse of the neem tree which was dadis memory of Munna. I could imagine a young kid playing with his mother in the shade. The imagination was refreshing. Somehow I knew why Dadi lived on with her memories by the shade of this tree. I had made my decisions today.

I bade my farewell. I had found life again. As I sat in the car, I told my driver, "Turn the car around, we are going to the city. Doctor Sahab ke ghar chalo..lets go to my doctors home."

I wanted to get treated. I wanted to give life a chance. I looked at Dadi as my car moved on the road to life, "Life is beautiful..Thats something I realised today!"

Survival 4

She got up from prayer as I entered, her fingers running over the rudraksha beads of the rosary she held. " You, need soomething beti?"

"Na, just glancing about, who are the people on the pictures?"

She just smiled at my questions, and drifted her eyes towards the wooden frames on the wall. "they, they are my family Maya." She pointed at the picture of a young man in army uniform, "that is my husband, Captain Rajendra Sharma. He was in the army. He is no more though. I was always so proud to be an armymans wife".


"The boy over there, my son Anuj, my Munna. He was my intelligent little boy, even his teachers wouldnt stop praising him. They kept on saying, 'Thats a very bright boy Mrs.Sharma. Your son.' I was so proud of him. He was my happy smiling boy. My brave son. He helped me put up all money to save for his college. He would help me around in the farm. It was not easy for me, when he boarded that loud hissing train for the city. I knew I would be alone. But I knew he needed wings. My son was a bright boy. He wanted to be an engineer, he wanted to be in college. He worked with me to reach him there, but then God didnt want that maybe. He was brave and smiled always, he came back from the city in a week. The doctors said he wouldnt live.Munna has TB, they dint want him in college, cause my Munna was sick. He was still a brave boy, his smiles kept me going, even the day he breathed his last, he was smiling, as he said 'Ma, dont worry', he died smiling on my lap".

She drifted off to nostalgia, i could see tears dripping from her eyes as she wiped them with her saree. I touched her shoulder," You alright..Dadi?".

She looked at me and nodded,"My son was all I had in life. My husband didnt stay with us you know.Sorry for the piece from my past. I get emotional sometimes".

"Your husband..he was away at the army?"

"Not really", she replied as she turned towards the pictures again. "He didnt want us maybe. He lived with his other family. Our marriage was arranged by our parents. He wasnt asked his opinion. Those days nobody would. But then he loved someone else. he stayed aloof from me and Munna. The day his parents died, he went back to Radha, he loved her, he married her. He came back to see Munna once, but all was over. He never returned again. I then came here. This place gave me life, my fathers farm. I have lived here ever since."


I was rooted to the spot, not knowing what to say. Dadi got busy cleaning the frames. She was yelling out to the maid for not cleaning properly. My brain drifted from the scene, I couldnt listen to the voices. I was lost in a world of my own.

"dadi", I asked,"Wasnt it very difficult for you, living alone this way"?"

She paused a moment before she answered me, then a smile escaped her face. "nahin beta. yes i felt alone at times. But i had to live on. I felt lost after Munna went away, but then Munna loved this farm. As long as I am here, I can feel his presence here. he loved that Neem tree in the orchard. My father planted it when I was a kid, and the tree has been there since. Munna also loved it. He would love playing in its shade and I would join him. The memories helped me live. I cant leave the farm alone, you see. How can i stop caring about something my son loved to much. And then those kids at the orphanage, I lived to see their smiles when my gardner would get them their bags of mangoes which grew on my farm. Life has a lot to it beti, I never gave up living. And with so many things to live for, it wasn't really difficult you know."